So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
