I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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