Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He passed out mid-signature
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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