If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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