With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
