and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
