if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I checked into jail on foursquare
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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