someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
