is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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