Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
