I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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