But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
