My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
