I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
