I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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