It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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