theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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