Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
