3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
