Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
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Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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