i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i've created a new STD.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
