Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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