I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
