id be glad to
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
