Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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