i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize