I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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