just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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