Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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