Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
