Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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