I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
