I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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