I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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