just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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