My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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