Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
