So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
