Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize