this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
