I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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