In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
