Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
