Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
