So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
