So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
