Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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