Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
