i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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