we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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