Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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