Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
