I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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