I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
