I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
