We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
