I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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