Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
pop tarts are not kleenex
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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