I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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