You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
