These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
