the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
