tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
