There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
