Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
