dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You may now shotgun with the bride
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
