I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
