you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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