remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I have post one night stand depression
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
