fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize