I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I will pee on everything he values.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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