In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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