are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
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obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
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So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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