I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
