I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
