Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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